Shoot, wish I'd seen this earlier so I could ask about the Substack DNA Growth Accelerator.
Took the Find Your Substack DNA Workshop back in August or September(?) but that's when we had the link issue so I missed the first key part of it and then the non DNA attendees I was paired with weren't able to help at all (blind leading the blind situation).
I’ve got two Substacks. The first, which started as a newsletter for my podcast because I found this easier to use than Mailchimp, is clear: “ocean life.” If I could add a third word it’d be… "saving ocean life."
My personal Substack… kinda contains multitudes. It’s all the stuff I write about other than saving whales. I’ve always written about/obsessed over many things. So my first response is kinda… “my passions.”
But I accepted your DNA challenge and looked over all my posts since a certain US president started musing about annexing Canada. Other than a few posts about writing, pop culture, people I admire and one about my cats…2/3 of my stuff has been very Canadian, eh.
And this post has me wondering about naming my Substack. The first name that popped to mind was the title of a comedy album and song I did age ago… Forgive Us, We’re Canadian.
thanks Sarah for those questions. You can't re-answer and re-think them often enough. I find myself fine-tuning them more and more over time. Here we go.
My Subject: Un-Rush – The power of slow
What obsesses me about this topic?
With all the rushing, hurry-culture and pressure put upon us, people got so disconnected from themselves and the world around them that it feels like they are sleepwalking through life. I literally feel obsessed with that topic, wanting to shake people up and make them aware that we handed ourselves over to a system that profits from the urgency protocol, hurry culture and speed addiction. I want us to reconnect with ourselves instead of outsourcing our thinking, our rhythm and our sense of what matters.
Who do I want to be talking WITH rather than talking to?
- Sharp, ambitious, high-functioning professionals, who have built a life that looks right from the outside but feels increasingly hollow from the inside. They are disconnected from themselves and the world around them due to constant speed, pressure and rushing.
- unconventional thinkers who suspect the speed they're running at is making them less, not more.
- I want to think, discuss and inspire together WITH these unconventional thinkers how we un-rush, use the power of slow and walk as ourselves again.
Thank you Sarah for this helpful post! I have been swayed many times by “the next best thing” to do to be successful on Substack. But this post was very clarifying! In answer to your questions:
1. I write and share recipes about California Cuisine!
2. Because I’ve lived in Southern California for 30+ years, I eat and love the food here, a mash-up of many different ethnicities and cultures (we have no ethnic majority in CA).
3. This last question has me puzzled/excited. I’ve never thought about who I want to talk WITH but always who I’m talking at (yes, I’ve even constructed an avatar of who I feel like I’m writing to, lol).
Mine is midlife relationships. But I might be cheating because to me it's relationship with yourself, with others and with your sexuality. And I feel like my growth only began to accelerate once I honed in on that. 🥰 Great article!
I love that you've narrowed it to midlife relationships. Midlife is a fairly crowded category, which means nothing discouraging. Even though it's crowded, it's also crowded with readers, and narrowing it down to midlife relationships and then even further is fantastic.
One day back when dinosaurs walked the earth I ran into my friend Carol Baroudi walking down University Ave in Palo Alto — the heart of Silicon Valley. I had been Carol's boss at computer maker Sun Microsystems for about 5 years before our paths diverged. I hadn't seen her for a while. I asked her what she'd been up to.
"A couple of friends & I wrote a book called 'The Internet for Dummies'," she said. "The bad news is that I only make seventy cents per copy sold. The good news is that it only took us 3 months to write it and we just sold our one-millionth copy. We figure we can do a new edition about every six months or so. Crank one out in a couple of weeks."
Through Carol I got a contract to write 'Linux for Dummies,' with a $1,000 advance to start. This was in the very early days of Linux. I spent a month working on the book before coming to the conclusion that I had no idea how to approach 'Linux for Dummies.' It took me about 40 pages just to explain how to choose a distro & get it configured. Definitely not "Dummy" level stuff. I quit, but they let me keep the $1k, lol.
I love that, John. That is so funny. I know I looked up all of the data on how much those books make, and then I met the person who wrote Facebook for Dummies. She said she made no money out of it, and I thought, "Okay, never mind."
At Sun, I managed a big technical publications group. ~1988 we had a new machine coming out & somebody in marketing asked if any of the writers in my group would like to make some $$ on the side ghosting a book for the Norton "Inside" series. Nobody in my group was interested, but I figured I could do it nights & weekends. Which was nuts -- I was managing a large bi-coastal group & had 3 young children & one very tired wife (who owned a children's book & toy store) at home. But anyway, I prepared an outline. Then I read the contract, which said, basically, "Sundman does the work & Peter Norton gets the money." So I said, "Never mind," and never signed the contract. The book never got written. But the wheels were already in motion, and you can still find links on the Internet to this non-existent book by Norton & Sundman.
What I can talk and write about Endlessly: I like to philosophize about everything - especially about how we are all interconnected (like the trees). If I truly get to know and understand the inner workings of myself and how I operate, I will get to know you too - which I believe is a gift and an honor.
Then, ideally, we can learn to live together in harmony. Caring for one another and uplifting each other naturally, because we’re listening closely to what is being asked of us. Homeostasis can be restored and maintained.
My Subscribers: I want to talk with others interested in creating deeper connections, inspiring healthier relationships and finding ways to rise above the din so we can lead with love and respect.
I love this, Jennifer. It's interesting to think about how we can make this your DNA. What I love is the deeper understanding. My question to you is: that could mean so many different things. How do you view deeper understanding, and how do we develop that differently from how anyone else does?
Turns out the answer is right in front of me as I’m beginning to write a memoir.
I want to know my mother’s story from every aspect so I can understand why she left.
It hurt me. Scarred me. Broke my heart, but I won't blame her. I was angry, yes. I was also confused. I’m not confused anymore, just curious and eager to understand more.
Along the way, I suspect there will be more to this story that is not just about my mom, but a bigger picture of what we do to people, families, communities and societies, when we neglect to listen and care. When equality is compromised. When we abuse power and let greed come before what’s right.
It was a tumultuous time in history then, as it is now. There may be more for us all to learn from this one woman’s decision as the topic of patriarchy begins to gain attention again. A fractured attempt at feminism, is still an attempt. I want to explore it all.
This isn’t about forgiveness; it’s about allowing a deeper understanding bolster compassion.
Maybe a deeper understanding of the concept is blank. What I mean by that is curious how you fill in the blank, because seeing things from the other person's point of view has been said.
I know that you give the story of your mother, which is so compelling, and I'm wondering how we could translate that to your viewers. If that's your story, which is again something I may want to read, to get people to subscribe to your Substack, it has to be about more than just our story. I do think that For you, it's this concept of deeper understanding.
Thank you, Sarah. Ok, I’ll keep digging. I can feel it, but can’t quite put it into words yet. Feels like trying to capture energy and put it in a bottle. :)
1. Subject: Helping Sensitive Women build a Quiet and Profitable Online Business.
2. Obsession: The power of Reframing. When you stop treating your sensitivity as a flaw, the whole approach to your business & life changes. That's why in my newsletter I not only talk about Quiet Marketing Strategies, but also Mindset and Energy Management.
3. Talking with: Sensitive Women (I am one myself). Women who tried the standard marketing advice (show up loudly, post every day on every platform, etc.) and walked away drained for days. A quiet business strategy is the opposite: built around deep work, genuine connection, and systems that works even on your lowest energy days.
Oh my gosh, I love this. Really good, you are on it. This is your DNA. Wow.
I'm curious what a quiet online business is, and this is just me poking at this and trying to refine it with you further. I'm also curious about your Substack title, because this is so genius. "Highly sensitive super power" doesn't quite reflect what you're doing here. I'm curious about "highly sensitive women business owners," but you get the idea. Just something that brings in what you're really doing.
Hi Sarah, thank you so much for taking the time to thoughtfully reply to my comment! I'm truly grateful for your help in further refining my newsletter's positioning. 🩷
About the title "Highly Sensitive Superpower”, it's probably more clever than clear. The thought behind it was to convey empowerment (sadly, sensitive people are inclined to see their sensitivity as a flaw, not as a strength). I did try to make the actual focus clear in the subtitle (what the newsletter is about and who it's for), but that's unfortunately only displayed on the Home/Subscribe page. It might be worth rethinking the title as you suggested!
As for what a Quiet Online Business actually is, my “definition” is: a business built on deep content with a long shelf life, simple systems that help it grow without the overwhelm, and fewer but truly engaged and nurtured readers. The business model itself can be anything (digital products, services, coaching, memberships) but the way you build and market it is quiet. A business designed to work with your energy, not against it. You're making me realize this deserves a dedicated post! Thank you! 😊
That's beautiful! We want to get more specific. Unless people already know you, it's going to be hard for them to see the advantages of this. That doesn't mean there aren't clear advantages. It's just that you want to approach us as people who do not know what they are yet. What have you learned? What do you know?
1. Subject: The subject of my Substack is positivity and joy.
2. Obsession: The paradox - On the one hand, the data shows old people are less depressed, less stressed, and more satisfied with their lives than middle aged folks are and maybe even more than the young, while at the same time old age brings so much loss that it is hard to stay in joy.
3. I want to talk with my peers (older adults in their seventies and eighties), my elders (folks in their nineties and up) and folks my children's ages (fifty and up).
1. Subject: Substack monetization — specifically the gap between writers who create consistently and writers who actually get paid.
2. Obsession: Why writers who are genuinely good still can't convert readers to paid subscribers — and what's actually broken in how they present their value.
3. Talking with: Substack writers who show up every week, know they have something worth saying, but feel stuck on the business side of it.
The DNA framing makes so much sense to me. Most monetization advice treats it like a features problem; add a paywall, post more, try this CTA. But your point about subscribers connecting to a person, not a strategy, is the part people skip. The clarity has to come first.
I love that you narrow it down to Substack writers who show up every week. A lot of the people who want to make money on Substack don't always want to do the work involved in making money there, which is a lot. With subscriptions so popular now, it feels like everyone has hundreds of them, and it's harder and harder to get people to pay us, to want to pay us, but to want a subscription.
Have you practiced a conflict lately? Ever? Never? Do conflict better, and you improve the quality of your relationships. With practice, you too can do conflict better.
I use popular culture to demonstrate conflict competency skills. That's what Conflict Owners Manual is for: helping you own your conflict skills, one conflict competency per post.
All stories have conflict in their plot, and we all have conflict in our lives. So, fiction is a great way to practice conflict skills you can apply to conflicts in your life.
Practice on fiction, and then use what you learn IRL.
Really good, Deborah. Conflict is tough stuff, and I feel like so many people need and want this. Fiction is a great way to practice conflict skills, and you're so right.
I'm curious about your Substack title because you have so much to offer here. I'm wondering if Conflict Owner's Manual would be something people would feel like, "Oh yeah, this is going to make life better for me in terms of conflict, and I'm not going to be so scared of it." Just curious here.
Great question, Sarah. Thank you. As you guessed, finding a title is a struggle, as titles often are. My target audience is people who want to improve their conflict competence, and the consequence of that is to improve the quality of their relationships and the consequence of that is their conflicts are easier to manage.
The premise, reduced to its simple core, is this: We already have skills. We converse, we get along with people, and we form relationships. But, conflict makes those skills hard to access. If we own our regular 'getting along' skills, practice individual skills on fiction, and mindfully apply our regular skills when we're calm, we build a bridge to those skills, and they will be available to us when conflict scares us.
Then, as you note, life gets better, sure in terms of conflict. And also in terms of the relationships we value. Since conflict doesn't come with an owner's manual or tech support or a help desk, I'm writing the manual, one skill at a time, using fiction for practice.
Hi Lisa! I'm going to poke a little at this and urge you to get very specific about the words you're using. We tend to rely on abstractions or general terms, or terms that don't have specific meanings that all people share. For instance, challenges and strengths. We think we know what those are, but they're specific to the community that you're talking to.
Can you get more specific? That's what's going to bring us in. I want to know what you see as a challenge. I want to know what you see as a strength. That's where your obsession comes in. What aspect of the challenges and strengths are you particularly interested in?
Expanding our horizons is an idiom, but it doesn't actually mean anything. Does that mean I'm no longer neurodiverse? Does that mean I get married? Does that mean you might say all of those things? I'm going to urge you not to. As Substack gets more crowded, the more granular and specific you can be, the more you'll grow.
1. I write about finding adventure and ease in modern motherhood.
2. I'm obsessed with rejecting the default American parenting script of consuming, rushing, and settling. People around the world are doing it differently, and so can we.
3. I want to talk with other women and parents who are questioning the system that keeps us hustling and spending.
This feels very clear in one respect and very different. I love it. One thing I'll say is that your number one and number two are actually not the same and are in conflict with each other. This is only insofar as messaging goes.
You don't have to write only about one thing, but we need to communicate what your Substack is about, and that should be one thing. I call it the 80-20 rule: 80% of your Substack should be about X, and 20% can be about whatever you want. That could be about your cats or your chickens, or what you have here with numbers one and two.
I think number two is so evocative and engaging, and I recommend leading with that because "adventure in motherhood" is vague. I'm not sure what that means.
Shoot, wish I'd seen this earlier so I could ask about the Substack DNA Growth Accelerator.
Took the Find Your Substack DNA Workshop back in August or September(?) but that's when we had the link issue so I missed the first key part of it and then the non DNA attendees I was paired with weren't able to help at all (blind leading the blind situation).
Will there be another one offered this year?
Wow. This post is kind of rocking my world.
I’ve got two Substacks. The first, which started as a newsletter for my podcast because I found this easier to use than Mailchimp, is clear: “ocean life.” If I could add a third word it’d be… "saving ocean life."
My personal Substack… kinda contains multitudes. It’s all the stuff I write about other than saving whales. I’ve always written about/obsessed over many things. So my first response is kinda… “my passions.”
But I accepted your DNA challenge and looked over all my posts since a certain US president started musing about annexing Canada. Other than a few posts about writing, pop culture, people I admire and one about my cats…2/3 of my stuff has been very Canadian, eh.
And this post has me wondering about naming my Substack. The first name that popped to mind was the title of a comedy album and song I did age ago… Forgive Us, We’re Canadian.
Hmmmm…
thanks Sarah for those questions. You can't re-answer and re-think them often enough. I find myself fine-tuning them more and more over time. Here we go.
My Subject: Un-Rush – The power of slow
What obsesses me about this topic?
With all the rushing, hurry-culture and pressure put upon us, people got so disconnected from themselves and the world around them that it feels like they are sleepwalking through life. I literally feel obsessed with that topic, wanting to shake people up and make them aware that we handed ourselves over to a system that profits from the urgency protocol, hurry culture and speed addiction. I want us to reconnect with ourselves instead of outsourcing our thinking, our rhythm and our sense of what matters.
Who do I want to be talking WITH rather than talking to?
- Sharp, ambitious, high-functioning professionals, who have built a life that looks right from the outside but feels increasingly hollow from the inside. They are disconnected from themselves and the world around them due to constant speed, pressure and rushing.
- unconventional thinkers who suspect the speed they're running at is making them less, not more.
- I want to think, discuss and inspire together WITH these unconventional thinkers how we un-rush, use the power of slow and walk as ourselves again.
Good to see this articulated so well—this is exactly why I read you.
Hi, all!
I checked in with myself, felt tugs in multiple directions, then brain dumped into Claude to help me find a potential through line.
For context: I use Claude a lot, so it has a good amount of context about what I enjoy and why.
I don't have a name for the newsletter yet. I'm not even sure I've found my DNA.
First pass...
TOPIC: Why things land—or don't.
--The micro-decisions behind a movie scene that moved me
--The prep work that ensures an AI rollout leads to adoption versus
--Halloween as a cultural ritual to its super fans, a billion-dollar industry to retailers, and a revenue stream to entertainment creators
WHY: I'm interested in the gap between what we experience and what's actually doing the work, and what we can learn from closing that gap.
WHO WITH: I love talking with people about what goes on behind the scenes to make the "magic" happen.
I love the idea of shifting topics as the mood strikes me. Whether that works for readers...
Though I could see this striking you as scattered, I believe sharing it will get me closer to the clarity I crave.
Thank you Sarah for this helpful post! I have been swayed many times by “the next best thing” to do to be successful on Substack. But this post was very clarifying! In answer to your questions:
1. I write and share recipes about California Cuisine!
2. Because I’ve lived in Southern California for 30+ years, I eat and love the food here, a mash-up of many different ethnicities and cultures (we have no ethnic majority in CA).
3. This last question has me puzzled/excited. I’ve never thought about who I want to talk WITH but always who I’m talking at (yes, I’ve even constructed an avatar of who I feel like I’m writing to, lol).
Mine is midlife relationships. But I might be cheating because to me it's relationship with yourself, with others and with your sexuality. And I feel like my growth only began to accelerate once I honed in on that. 🥰 Great article!
I love that you've narrowed it to midlife relationships. Midlife is a fairly crowded category, which means nothing discouraging. Even though it's crowded, it's also crowded with readers, and narrowing it down to midlife relationships and then even further is fantastic.
One day back when dinosaurs walked the earth I ran into my friend Carol Baroudi walking down University Ave in Palo Alto — the heart of Silicon Valley. I had been Carol's boss at computer maker Sun Microsystems for about 5 years before our paths diverged. I hadn't seen her for a while. I asked her what she'd been up to.
"A couple of friends & I wrote a book called 'The Internet for Dummies'," she said. "The bad news is that I only make seventy cents per copy sold. The good news is that it only took us 3 months to write it and we just sold our one-millionth copy. We figure we can do a new edition about every six months or so. Crank one out in a couple of weeks."
Through Carol I got a contract to write 'Linux for Dummies,' with a $1,000 advance to start. This was in the very early days of Linux. I spent a month working on the book before coming to the conclusion that I had no idea how to approach 'Linux for Dummies.' It took me about 40 pages just to explain how to choose a distro & get it configured. Definitely not "Dummy" level stuff. I quit, but they let me keep the $1k, lol.
I love that, John. That is so funny. I know I looked up all of the data on how much those books make, and then I met the person who wrote Facebook for Dummies. She said she made no money out of it, and I thought, "Okay, never mind."
At Sun, I managed a big technical publications group. ~1988 we had a new machine coming out & somebody in marketing asked if any of the writers in my group would like to make some $$ on the side ghosting a book for the Norton "Inside" series. Nobody in my group was interested, but I figured I could do it nights & weekends. Which was nuts -- I was managing a large bi-coastal group & had 3 young children & one very tired wife (who owned a children's book & toy store) at home. But anyway, I prepared an outline. Then I read the contract, which said, basically, "Sundman does the work & Peter Norton gets the money." So I said, "Never mind," and never signed the contract. The book never got written. But the wheels were already in motion, and you can still find links on the Internet to this non-existent book by Norton & Sundman.
Incidentally, I've lived on Martha's Vineyard for 30 years. Peter Norton has a big house on Ocean Park in Oak Bluffs. Much MUCH fancier than my house! But I've never met the guy, lol. https://www.amazon.fr/Inside-386i-486i-Peter-Norton/dp/0136616127
Thank you for asking, Sarah.
My Subject: Deeper Understanding
What I can talk and write about Endlessly: I like to philosophize about everything - especially about how we are all interconnected (like the trees). If I truly get to know and understand the inner workings of myself and how I operate, I will get to know you too - which I believe is a gift and an honor.
Then, ideally, we can learn to live together in harmony. Caring for one another and uplifting each other naturally, because we’re listening closely to what is being asked of us. Homeostasis can be restored and maintained.
My Subscribers: I want to talk with others interested in creating deeper connections, inspiring healthier relationships and finding ways to rise above the din so we can lead with love and respect.
I love this, Jennifer. It's interesting to think about how we can make this your DNA. What I love is the deeper understanding. My question to you is: that could mean so many different things. How do you view deeper understanding, and how do we develop that differently from how anyone else does?
Turns out the answer is right in front of me as I’m beginning to write a memoir.
I want to know my mother’s story from every aspect so I can understand why she left.
It hurt me. Scarred me. Broke my heart, but I won't blame her. I was angry, yes. I was also confused. I’m not confused anymore, just curious and eager to understand more.
Along the way, I suspect there will be more to this story that is not just about my mom, but a bigger picture of what we do to people, families, communities and societies, when we neglect to listen and care. When equality is compromised. When we abuse power and let greed come before what’s right.
It was a tumultuous time in history then, as it is now. There may be more for us all to learn from this one woman’s decision as the topic of patriarchy begins to gain attention again. A fractured attempt at feminism, is still an attempt. I want to explore it all.
This isn’t about forgiveness; it’s about allowing a deeper understanding bolster compassion.
Maybe a deeper understanding of the concept is blank. What I mean by that is curious how you fill in the blank, because seeing things from the other person's point of view has been said.
I know that you give the story of your mother, which is so compelling, and I'm wondering how we could translate that to your viewers. If that's your story, which is again something I may want to read, to get people to subscribe to your Substack, it has to be about more than just our story. I do think that For you, it's this concept of deeper understanding.
Thank you, Sarah. Ok, I’ll keep digging. I can feel it, but can’t quite put it into words yet. Feels like trying to capture energy and put it in a bottle. :)
1. Subject: Helping Sensitive Women build a Quiet and Profitable Online Business.
2. Obsession: The power of Reframing. When you stop treating your sensitivity as a flaw, the whole approach to your business & life changes. That's why in my newsletter I not only talk about Quiet Marketing Strategies, but also Mindset and Energy Management.
3. Talking with: Sensitive Women (I am one myself). Women who tried the standard marketing advice (show up loudly, post every day on every platform, etc.) and walked away drained for days. A quiet business strategy is the opposite: built around deep work, genuine connection, and systems that works even on your lowest energy days.
Oh my gosh, I love this. Really good, you are on it. This is your DNA. Wow.
I'm curious what a quiet online business is, and this is just me poking at this and trying to refine it with you further. I'm also curious about your Substack title, because this is so genius. "Highly sensitive super power" doesn't quite reflect what you're doing here. I'm curious about "highly sensitive women business owners," but you get the idea. Just something that brings in what you're really doing.
Hi Sarah, thank you so much for taking the time to thoughtfully reply to my comment! I'm truly grateful for your help in further refining my newsletter's positioning. 🩷
About the title "Highly Sensitive Superpower”, it's probably more clever than clear. The thought behind it was to convey empowerment (sadly, sensitive people are inclined to see their sensitivity as a flaw, not as a strength). I did try to make the actual focus clear in the subtitle (what the newsletter is about and who it's for), but that's unfortunately only displayed on the Home/Subscribe page. It might be worth rethinking the title as you suggested!
As for what a Quiet Online Business actually is, my “definition” is: a business built on deep content with a long shelf life, simple systems that help it grow without the overwhelm, and fewer but truly engaged and nurtured readers. The business model itself can be anything (digital products, services, coaching, memberships) but the way you build and market it is quiet. A business designed to work with your energy, not against it. You're making me realize this deserves a dedicated post! Thank you! 😊
I'm so glad I asked. Building deep content with a long shelf life, sign me up, but I didn't know that from the term "quiet business."
My Substack DNA is -
To share whatever I know, or have learned, with others. To pay forward what I have benefited from, based on my approach, experience and systems.
That's beautiful! We want to get more specific. Unless people already know you, it's going to be hard for them to see the advantages of this. That doesn't mean there aren't clear advantages. It's just that you want to approach us as people who do not know what they are yet. What have you learned? What do you know?
1. Subject: The subject of my Substack is positivity and joy.
2. Obsession: The paradox - On the one hand, the data shows old people are less depressed, less stressed, and more satisfied with their lives than middle aged folks are and maybe even more than the young, while at the same time old age brings so much loss that it is hard to stay in joy.
3. I want to talk with my peers (older adults in their seventies and eighties), my elders (folks in their nineties and up) and folks my children's ages (fifty and up).
This is wonderful, Pat, and your Substack title speaks directly to this. Well done.
1. Subject: Substack monetization — specifically the gap between writers who create consistently and writers who actually get paid.
2. Obsession: Why writers who are genuinely good still can't convert readers to paid subscribers — and what's actually broken in how they present their value.
3. Talking with: Substack writers who show up every week, know they have something worth saying, but feel stuck on the business side of it.
The DNA framing makes so much sense to me. Most monetization advice treats it like a features problem; add a paywall, post more, try this CTA. But your point about subscribers connecting to a person, not a strategy, is the part people skip. The clarity has to come first.
I love that you narrow it down to Substack writers who show up every week. A lot of the people who want to make money on Substack don't always want to do the work involved in making money there, which is a lot. With subscriptions so popular now, it feels like everyone has hundreds of them, and it's harder and harder to get people to pay us, to want to pay us, but to want a subscription.
Have you practiced a conflict lately? Ever? Never? Do conflict better, and you improve the quality of your relationships. With practice, you too can do conflict better.
I use popular culture to demonstrate conflict competency skills. That's what Conflict Owners Manual is for: helping you own your conflict skills, one conflict competency per post.
All stories have conflict in their plot, and we all have conflict in our lives. So, fiction is a great way to practice conflict skills you can apply to conflicts in your life.
Practice on fiction, and then use what you learn IRL.
Simple, right?
Really good, Deborah. Conflict is tough stuff, and I feel like so many people need and want this. Fiction is a great way to practice conflict skills, and you're so right.
I'm curious about your Substack title because you have so much to offer here. I'm wondering if Conflict Owner's Manual would be something people would feel like, "Oh yeah, this is going to make life better for me in terms of conflict, and I'm not going to be so scared of it." Just curious here.
Great question, Sarah. Thank you. As you guessed, finding a title is a struggle, as titles often are. My target audience is people who want to improve their conflict competence, and the consequence of that is to improve the quality of their relationships and the consequence of that is their conflicts are easier to manage.
The premise, reduced to its simple core, is this: We already have skills. We converse, we get along with people, and we form relationships. But, conflict makes those skills hard to access. If we own our regular 'getting along' skills, practice individual skills on fiction, and mindfully apply our regular skills when we're calm, we build a bridge to those skills, and they will be available to us when conflict scares us.
Then, as you note, life gets better, sure in terms of conflict. And also in terms of the relationships we value. Since conflict doesn't come with an owner's manual or tech support or a help desk, I'm writing the manual, one skill at a time, using fiction for practice.
So cool. I love that you're writing the manual. We need it.
Hi, Sarah et al. 🙋♀️
YOUR SUBJECT: Highly Sensitive People
YOU: I'm an HSP and fascinated by the challenges & strengths that come with being neurodiverse.
YOUR SUBSCRIBERS: Clever, thoughtful, neurodiverse [or ND-adjascent] folks interested in expanding their horizons.
Hi Lisa! I'm going to poke a little at this and urge you to get very specific about the words you're using. We tend to rely on abstractions or general terms, or terms that don't have specific meanings that all people share. For instance, challenges and strengths. We think we know what those are, but they're specific to the community that you're talking to.
Can you get more specific? That's what's going to bring us in. I want to know what you see as a challenge. I want to know what you see as a strength. That's where your obsession comes in. What aspect of the challenges and strengths are you particularly interested in?
Expanding our horizons is an idiom, but it doesn't actually mean anything. Does that mean I'm no longer neurodiverse? Does that mean I get married? Does that mean you might say all of those things? I'm going to urge you not to. As Substack gets more crowded, the more granular and specific you can be, the more you'll grow.
Thank you, Sarah! Good advice. ✌️ I'm packing for a trip but I'm going to mull this over and try again. ✨️
1. I write about finding adventure and ease in modern motherhood.
2. I'm obsessed with rejecting the default American parenting script of consuming, rushing, and settling. People around the world are doing it differently, and so can we.
3. I want to talk with other women and parents who are questioning the system that keeps us hustling and spending.
This feels very clear in one respect and very different. I love it. One thing I'll say is that your number one and number two are actually not the same and are in conflict with each other. This is only insofar as messaging goes.
You don't have to write only about one thing, but we need to communicate what your Substack is about, and that should be one thing. I call it the 80-20 rule: 80% of your Substack should be about X, and 20% can be about whatever you want. That could be about your cats or your chickens, or what you have here with numbers one and two.
I think number two is so evocative and engaging, and I recommend leading with that because "adventure in motherhood" is vague. I'm not sure what that means.
Thanks for the clear and helpful feedback. It has me thinking about how I might re-work my bio.